Logic vs Gut Instinct in hand to hand combat in an all White Room

Aug 31, 209
Johnson, Vermont
Elevation 157m

I am sitting in my all white studio space with a window looking out into the parking lot with a perfect view of the construction workers using the porter potty. I know that photography is on the low end of the totem pole in the art world, but did that need to be made so obvious with a view of the shit house? (I am certain that my studio assignment does not reflect anything other than what is practical and convenient).

I am editing through 63 rolls of film from Mexico and Central America. I shot markets in 13 different cities and 4 countries. I can usually look at the proof sheet and tell you which town that market is as no two markets are a like. I am looking at 3 proof sheets of meat isles and meat stalls and I cannot tell you which country it was in, much less what town. I remember being at that particular market, I remember shooting the images, I remember each of the isles, but I cannot remember anything else. By the process of elimination, logic tells me that this mystery market is not in El Salvador or Nicaragua, but my gut instinct tells me that I shot these images late in the trip which means that it is El Salvador or Nicaragua. OMG! I feel like I am going crazy. My gut is certain, but logic dictates otherwise.

Maybe its not good for me to be in an all white room. Maybe I should staples some pads to the walls....

This too, shall pass.

March 3, 2009
NYC

Helmut Newton said in his autobiography that no one wants to hear about how someone is successful, it is only the struggle to get there that is worth reading. I get his point. No one wants to hear about how wonderful it is to be adored by the world, its inelegant.

So, as I leave LA for a trip of indeterminate length to NYC, as I walk away from a 6 year relationship due to irreconcilable differences, I am broken. To add insult to injury, I have been rejected by 4 different galleries of late, did not win a particular grant that I thought I would be a great candid for and I feel stuck creatively.

I am supposed to be in NYC to pitch my commercial work, getting meetings with art buyers and etc etc, yet I have been here for two days now and I barely want to go outside. I feel broken.

As I try to catch up with news via blogsphere today, I learned that Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has decided that they will do one last tour with Janes Addiction (in celebration of NIN's 20 year anniversary) and then Trent will put NIN to sleep, for a while, maybe for good. Ironically, the movie "Singles" is on TV as I type. Remeber alternative rock? Can't help but find the irony that some of my favorite bands will be celebrating their 20th anniversary this year or the next and that I am old enough to remember these things. I have always been a little damaged, but now, I feel old and broken.

All which really just reminds me that, "this too, shall pass." No matter how good times are, no matter how broken I feel, the good and the bad shall all pass in exchange for something new, something else. I just hope that I can summon the inner Asian overachiever here soon and get back to overachieving.

I shall end with this quote my fellow friend / brilliant artist Kesha Bruce posted on her blog today:
“Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.”– William C. Durant

Fluctuating Value of Art and Artist

February 14, 2009
Los Angeles, CA

Last week I attend a lecture by Milton Estrow, Editor in Chief of ArtNews Magazine at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. The title of the lecture was "How to Look at Art without Feeling Inferior." I was not particularly interested in the topic of the lecture, I was interested in seeing Mr Estrow speak in person.

Last year as I was sending out press packets in promotion for my exhibit for "Wok the Dog," I had received a hand written reply from Mr Estrow himself, that he received the press kit and would pass it along to the appropriate editor at the magazine. I was blown away! WOW! Mr Milton Estrow was impressed enough with my press kit that he personally wrote me a note in return. The note speaks volumes of him as a person.

The hour he spoke was filled with anecdotes and quotes from various artists and critics. The one thing that struck a note with me from the evening is the ever shifting "value" of the artist and the art. In essence, both artistic and monetary value of artist and the art we create will always be in flux. One minute we are eating cat food out of the tin can and the next we are fetching millions at auctions. Art is always subjective and tastes is ever shifting. Mr Estrow urged us to ignore the critics in some ways and ultimately judge for ourselves the value and greatness of the art and the artist. Does it speak to you? Does it make you feel? If so, then F*ck what the critics may have to say.

Its a nice reminder of REALITY. Its always encouraging the be reminded that you will not always be on top forever, nor will you always be in the slush pile forever either. This too shall pass. If you can stay passionate to your vision, then your day as the art world darling will come. But remember, that too shall pass.

At another event last night, June Newton made this remark about her late husband, Helmut, (who is one of my FAVORITE photographers), "I didn't used to think he was a genius, but now that he is gone, I do think he is a little bit of a genius." Even your stock price fluctuates with your own wife and muse, how could we expect anything less from everyone else?

Selling to the Wrong Side of the Street

Nov 1, 2008
Los Angeles, Ca

I had asked for a consult with a photographer friend of mine, Jim McHugh. He is an amazing photographer and a kind of a mentor. I wanted to see what his opinion is of "What is next?!"

You may ask, why is Jim McHugh qualify to give such opinion? He has years of experience in the commercial world, has done very well in these last few years when he decided to venture into the art world, not to mention the experience and wisdom that comes with time and age. He was an advocate of my work early on and saw their potential before anyone else did.

Jim's opinion is that I am selling to the wrong side of the street. If I could transform my work somehow so that it is no longer just photography - it being the bastard child of the art world - and sell myself as a fine artist - then it would really be something!

It all makes perfect sense. In a way, I knew this already. I think that is why we talked about the scratch and sniff idea and to incorporate interactive and multi-media elements to the work and presentation.

Its interesting to look at the art market and see the fuss over "new media" and understand how there is this nearly arbitrary line drawn. Shepard Fairy for instance and the popularity of street art. It can be just as easily replicated as photography, after all, its a stencil, but the medium is relatively new and because of its influence in popular culture and its social-political guerilla-ness, he can command 5 figures for his art. Bravo! I applaud him for how far he has come. I simply find the irony in the art world's acceptance and preference of one medium over another "interesting."

You know how you are often asked to describe your art and what it is about, or the style of it? I am fully aware of the nuances of my work, yet I don't want to describe it to others. I want them to see it themselves. Jim described my work exactly as I hoped for it be described. Its not documentary or reportage, cause its not in their faces. Its not of crying children and dying men. Its studied, it takes a step back, it has a narrative and you want to be involved in it. You want to know more. Its quiet in a way and its a little melancholy. It felt so good to have someone describe your work the way you think it should. Not only do they "get it" - fully appreciate why you think its good or special - but they have the language to say such.

So, need to create new work, need to start re-inventing as an "artist", more grants and more gallery show. That is what is next!

Dreams of Others

October 3, 2008
Los Angeles, Ca

"Wok the Dog" exhibit has officially come down at the LA ArtCore. I think this is the first week this year that I really did not know what to do with myself. What is next I ask. More grant and fellowship proposals, more contest submissions, more inquiries to galleries for future exhibits, more, more and more.

As I search around for MORE opportunities and I look at conferences and Portfolio Reviews and this and that, I can't help but ponder on the industry that built on the "Dreams of Others." Conventions, conferences and portfolio reviews exists in all creative industries, they charge the creative money so that the creative can have an opportunity to put their work in front of the "Taste Makers" and hope for to be given a chance that will launch them into big time and make the world their oyster.

Is is morally "right" to profit from feeding on others dreams and hopes? Or do we justify it by the pure market logic? There is a need, a market, so the apparatuses is there to fill it and profit from it. Not to mention that it is beneficial to all sides involved, the "Taste Makers" can discover new talent, creatives can be discovered or at least be given helpful criticism that would "improve" their work.

I can't help but wonder if Damien Hirst, Takashi Murakami, David Hockney and artists of that caliber has ever attend a portfolio review session. I am willing to bet money that Damine Hirst, Takashi Murakami, David Hockney never paid money to people that are feeding on his dreams. He went out and plastered the city with his art and the rest we know.

If you limit the scope in which you participate or involve your art in, does that limit the scope in which you will rise in the world or art? Play big to win big? Or is playing by the rules the only way?